If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you know exactly how I feel about wedding rules: do what holds meaning for you, and leave everything else on the table.
Here are 10 traditions that are completely optional — plus real alternatives my couples have loved. None of these are wrong to include. The goal is just that whatever you choose, you choose it intentionally. And if you want to go even deeper on planning your wedding with your values at the center, I’ve got a whole post on that too.
1. The “Don’t See Each Other Before the Ceremony” Rule
Most of my couples do a first look — a designated moment earlier in the day when you see each other for the first time. It can be a big emotional reveal or completely low-key, whatever fits you two. Some couples skip being apart entirely and just get ready together, which honestly makes a lot of sense when you think about it — why spend the most nerve-wracking hours of your day separated from your favorite person?
Want to think this through more? Check out Should We Do a First Look at Our Wedding?
2. Walking Down the Aisle with Your Parents
This one doesn’t work for everyone — blended families, estranged relationships, loss, or just plain preference. And that’s completely okay. Some couples walk in together as a united front. Some walk in solo and meet in the middle. Some enter with their whole wedding party at once. There’s no wrong version of this moment.
3. Having a Wedding Party at All
Your wedding party can look however you want it to. Five people on each side, one person on each side, mismatched numbers, or no one standing up there at all. If there are people you want to honor without giving them a role, include them in other ways — a reading, a song, carrying something meaningful during the ceremony. The point is that the people who matter feel seen. How that happens is up to you.
4. A Traditional Cake Cutting
No one actually needs cake. Cupcakes, pie, a candy buffet, a literal tower of cheese — I’ve seen it all and it’s all worked beautifully. If you love the symbolism of the cake cutting but don’t want the whole production of it, do what a lot of my couples do: cut it quietly for the photos, use it as the official signal that dessert is open, and skip the big announcement entirely. Simple, meaningful, done.
5. Toasts and Speeches at the Reception
A growing number of my couples are moving toasts to the rehearsal dinner instead, which genuinely makes everyone more comfortable — smaller audience, lower stakes, more personal. Others skip formal speeches entirely and open it up organically, or don’t do them at all. What works completely depends on your crowd and your own tolerance for being stared at while someone cries into a microphone.
6. The Bouquet and Garter Toss
This is the most-skipped item for my couples, by a long shot. Plenty of reasons — not everyone has a crowd of single friends, not everyone loves the garter tradition’s energy, and not everyone wants to interrupt a great reception moment to gather people for an obligation. (I have even more thoughts on the smaller traditions worth questioning if you want to go down that rabbit hole.) One of my couples tossed a stuffed Kirby instead of a bouquet and it became the most memorable five minutes of their whole night. Do with that what you will.
7. Parent Dances
Skip it, swap it, or make it private. Some couples dance with a different person who holds that role in their life — a sibling, a grandparent, a close friend. Some do a group dance that pulls everyone onto the floor so no one’s on a spotlight stage alone. Some just don’t do it at all. All of those are valid choices and none of them require explanation.
8. A Public First Dance
Most of my couples are at least a little uncomfortable with everyone watching them slow dance in silence. A private first dance before the reception opens — just the two of you, maybe your photographer, maybe no one — can be genuinely more meaningful than the public version. Or open the floor immediately and make it a group dance from the start. Or skip it entirely. The only rule is that you shouldn’t spend your first married moments feeling awkward if you don’t have to.
9. A Grand Exit
Three ways I’ve seen receptions end, and all of them work:
The official exit — remaining guests line up with sparklers or bubbles and send you off. Great if your crowd is into it and you want a clear ending.
The fake exit — you do the photos and the moment, then come back in while guests trickle out or head to an after party. Best of both worlds.
The natural wind-down — no announcement, no lineup, people leave when they’re ready. Works perfectly for smaller, more intimate weddings or crowds that hate being told what to do.
Pick the one that matches how you and your people actually are. Don’t pick the one you think you’re supposed to have.
10. Anything That Doesn’t Feel Like You
Genuinely. You don’t have to do anything at your wedding that doesn’t hold meaning or bring you joy — and that includes things people you love are pushing for.
If someone important to you is putting pressure on a specific tradition, try sitting down with them before the wedding and asking what it actually means to them. Why do they want this for you? Is it something they didn’t get at their own wedding and have always regretted? Are they trying to make sure certain guests feel included? There’s usually a real reason underneath the pressure, and once you understand it, you can often find a way to honor that — the feeling behind the tradition — without doing the thing itself.
The couples who have the best wedding days are the ones who planned with intention. Not the ones who had the most traditions, and not the ones who skipped the most. Just the ones who made real choices.
If you’re still figuring out what that looks like for you, these might help:
